Ahmar's English Journal

The this picture is all foggy and it is 20minutea from the school.
It’s a big building where two shoulder are below it with guns on a long bridged, in the front of the picture are 3 guard who are checking in a car to see if the person in the car is allowed to go into the building, the guards also have a gun on them so that place seems like its a really special place or there is someone or something important in there.

In front of the entrance of the skyscraper is two soldiers waiting cautiously for something wrong to happen. Above the water is a bridge that Leeds to the skyscraper and also goes through it.

Am going to talk about my two characters, Crooks and Curley’s wife.

Crooks:
Is the stable buck in the farm, he is the one who provides support for the horses in the farm. He has a busted spine because a horse kicked him. The characters in the farm refer to him by a term we find very offensive today.

quotation:
‘Nice fella too. Got a crooked back where a horse kicked him. The boss give him hell when he’s mad. But the stable buck don’t give a damn about that. He reads a lot. Got books in his room.’
Mean:
Crooks is not affected by being a stable buck, he is pround, very independent and intillgent. He is all these things but his boss dosen’t stop giving him hell.

quotation:
‘Crooks was a proud, aloof man… his eyes… seemed to glitter with intensity… he had, thin, pain tightened lips.’
Mean:
Crooks’s life is controlled by pain, the pain of being the only black man and of his busted back- but he has manage to rise above the pain.

quotation:
‘I ain’t wanted in the bunk house…’Cause i’m black.’
Mean:
Crooks is a victim of racial prejudice

quotation:
‘I had enough,” he said coldly. ‘You got no rights comin’in a colored man’s room.’
Mean:
Crooks has enough confidents or pride and independence to stand up to Curley’s wife.

quotation:
‘Crooks had reduce himself to nothing. There was no personality, no ego-nothing to arouse either like or dislike.’
Mean:
The futility(uselessness) of Crooks’s shows how little real power a black person has in the world of this book.

The title futility makes the poem seem strong, instead of just saying hopelessness. He used word futility in the poem to get across to people that the war is hopeless and by doing that he  uses personification, he uses the sun as an old calm man who shines light on the earth but as you get to the end of the poem he starts to say the sun is stupid for not saving anyone from dying then he says what the point of being here then. He was treating the sun like it was god.

Comment:

I am very impressed with the way you have constructed this essay. The introduction clearly addresses the question, and each paragraph deals with one or two points – and most contain specific examples which are sometimes examined in some detail. You show a confident understanding of some of the mechanisms of spoken language and text language and you also have an appreciation of how the way we speak can influence people’s opinion about us – or how it can indicate things about us, like our age, location and level of education.

Areas you may wish to develop:

• Your introductory paragraph should provide a ‘roadmap’ to the points you’re planning to make in your essay – helping your reader to get an idea of what the over-all structure of your response will be. Normally this is done by identifying each point in the order you’re going to explore them.
• You sometimes miss key components of paragraphs. Your strength is in the broader understanding – but you must always support every point you make with detailed examples, and you then must expand on how those examples prove your point. (your paragraph on paralinguistic features DOES do this)
• You would be encouraged to explore a wider range of features in more detail. You missed opportunities to show what you understand about slang and idiolect by omitting any detailed reference to these features
• Keep working on the spelling and punctuation accuracy of your work.

Download (PDF, 148KB)

Out the blue by Simon Armitage is about the 9-11 crisis. In this poem, he uses a man as an example of the 9-11 and this man is trap inside the building, watching people jump of the twin towers and hearing sirens outside the building. The man in the story is telling the reader what is happening to him in the twins tower, that how the flames behind him is forceing him to jump out the window, their was nowhere else to escape, he is telling you every emotion that he is feeling before he jumps out of the window because he coudnt take the heat of the building burning.

So sorry Mr Waugh for going onto the internet when I wasn’t meant to and not obeying your rule, and I fully understand the situation. this will never happen again. I hope that you can accept my apologise…… Ahmar

Am going to say at first that I think speaking and text language is creative because i like the way the young youths created a different kind of English which adults are trying to use, its like we have got are own language but we are using English words. older people wont understand what we young youths are saying, same thing with typing, people under 28 will understand “lol”, “kl” etc. but people other 30 probably wont understand.

The amazing thing is that if you go south London everyone will understand slang, like for example “fam” 90% of the people in south London will understand it.

In the conversation between Tyler and Tommy they shorten lots of words and that’s called abbreviations, for example Tyler said “kl” which is shorter for ‘cool’, but the word ‘kl’ is kind of different between ‘cool’ because ‘kl’ can mean hello or alight but I think ‘cool’ means something amazing or good to look at. People use lots of abbreviations so that they don’t have to say the full word and its much quicker for them, for example ”would not” or ”wouldn’t” for texting I think people will mostly use wouldn’t because its shorter, but if someone sending a message to someone important like a judge or someone high status they will probably use ‘would not’ to be more formal and the thing with speaking.

With speaking their are many ways you talk to someone by using your emotions or body language face expression, all these are called para linguistic features. For example when someone is stressed you would be able to know that they are stressed because there body language, they might look down and might be sloppy at doing stuff where as if someone was happy they will be probably up right and their Will have a smile on the person face. people also like to use their tone of their voice, for example if someone forgot something they will get irritated and make a sound like ‘arrghh’. the conversation between Tyler and Tommy they lots of sounds with their voice.

speaking and texting can influence each other on some things like, when you shout at someone when speaking you can do the same thing when texting, all you do is use capital letter to make like your being serious or you can use explanation mark to make like demanding someone. When you want to show emotion when texting you just use smiley faces which will show the person your sending it to how you feel or what your thinking. For example when your being sarcastic to someone when speaking you could do the same thing  when texting by using smiley faces. The only difference between testing and speaking is that in speaking you use your tone of voice but you can’t do that in texting, but in texting now you can send voice notes.

Thats how I will start the essay, is it alright or do I have to add stuff onto it For example more detail.

I just dont understand how to introduce it and how i start the essay

Hi Ahmar,

I’m just quickly writing you a note to tell you that I’m eagerly awaiting your update where you publish your plan for next week’s assessment as well as some examples of paragraph starters that you think will be clear and effective.

I’ve finished responding to everyone else’s work and I’m concerned that you are missing out on the feedback you need as tomorrow is our last lesson before the assessment begins.

Please get in contact with me if there’s anything I can do to help

Kind regards,

Christopher Waugh (your teacher)